Protect your privacy not only on your home computer, but on your office computer, too.
Controlling, (abusive), men shamelessly walk into the woman's office at work to snoop through her work e-mail accounts, too. Yes, it could get you fired, but wouldn't they like that anyhow! I bet they are not pleased with the fact you are working where you are in the first place, (nothing pleases these men in the long run, remember?)
Some men then e-mail me wanting to know who I am. They claim they found me in their address book and can't remember me, could I please refresh their memory. They are so beguiling, acting half embarrassed for not remembering when or how we met, and pretending they can't recollect what our e-mail correspondence was about. Of course, I never mention this web page or my past history of abuse. I simply tell them we must of met over work related issues, could his company possibly be a client of my company?
Often I'll get more e-mail from the man something along the lines of, "Oh, I think I made a mistake, I think you must be a friend of my wife's, Mrs. So-and-so, does that ring a bell? Do you know her? How did you all meet?" When I e-mail back telling him I have no idea WHO they are referring to they respond over how embarrassed they are, they accidentally got into their wife's address book, please forgive them. I e-mail back that's okay, I don't know who you are referring too, but perhaps my e-mail address came from one of the professional e-mailing lists I subscribe to.
Once I suspect a snooping spouse is digging for information I immediately e-mail the wife a copy of all the correspondence I've had with the man, and some impersonal text explaining the woman that there seems to have been some sort of confusion. A very impersonal e-mail where I pretend I really don't know who you are.
PLEASE BE VERY, VERY CAREFUL! For your sake, not mine. Once you e-mail me and I respond I never know for sure if it is really you I'm "talking" to after that first contact. A man could very easily pretend to be you and send me an e-mail through your e-mail account. For this reason I'm very careful in responding to any follow-up e-mail from you beyond our first contact, especially if the tone or topic of the e-mail has changed. This is NOT because I don't care, but because I care too much, and don't wish to give any abusive spouse the slightest clue as to what you are up to, which can endanger your life.
Please CHANGE your e-mail passwords frequently to safeguard your e-mail, and use a web-based e-mail account if you have to share a computer with your abuser. Remember to purge your Temporary Internet Files. (See below)And password protect your work computer and put a password on your screen saver too! You could loose your job at a time when you most need your job!
Everywhere you've been on the Internet is stored in a temporary Internet files folder or in a Netscape Cache folder. Also a history of every URL, (web address), you've gone to is saved on your hard drive. You must clear the history. To purge your temporary Internet files for Internet Explorer right click the big "e" icon for the Internet Explorer that is on your desktop and select properties. There you will find a button you can click on to delete your Internet files that are stored on your computer. You should also see a button someplace that allows you to set the maximum amount of days to keep a history of where you've been browsing. Find the button you can click to clear your history. And while you are at it, destroy any "cookies" stored on your computer. You may or may not find a button to do that, depending on which version of Internet Explorer you have installed on your computer. My web site does not store any cookies on your hard drive, so you don't need to worry about that. For more detainled information on clearing all traces of the websites you've been to visit check out the National Demestic Violence Hotline's Safety Page.
The best and easiest way to clean all traces of what you have been doing on your computer is to download and install a free piece of software called SpyBot, at www.spybot.eon.net.au On that page click on the download link, on the left hand column of the page. Read all the instructions on how to use Spybot Not only will SpyBot get rid of any advertisement spy-ware which track your user movements over the Internet, it will also clear all your Internet files and all traces of where you've been on the web off your computer. Just delete all history references, all temporary Internet files. Sometimes you'll find the performance of your computer improved when it is no longer burdened down with all that spy-ware that gets secretly installed on your computer by some web sites and web based advertising companies.
Lastly, check your e-mail program on your computer. Go into your address book and see if it has automatically added any e-mail address you respond or send e-mail to. A lot of e-mail programs are set up to capture e-mail address you use and add them to the address book. This is to make things easier for your, but when you are dealing with an abusive mate, this is very dangerous. Go into the address book, highlight the e-mail addresses you don't ever want your abusive mate to see, and hit the delete key!
Next check your "sent" items folder. Most e-mail programs are set up to automatically save a copy of every e-mail you send out in a folder called "sent" or "sent items." Sometimes they are set up to store a copy of e-mail you've sent out elsewhere. Go and delete all copies of e-mail you've sent out that you don't want your abusive mate to find. Check all the folders in your e-mail program. An abusive mate with a little computer savvy can easily have copies of all e-mail you send out saved in HIS e-mail folders. HUNT them down AND DESTROY!